Everything You Need To Know About Sex After Childbirth (Especially Young Parents)
By ANTONINA DĘBOGÓRSKA
I often receive questions about sex after childbirth.
It's certainly not unheard of about people who completely stop having sex after the birth of their child. We hear about the gradual decline of quality of sleep, lack of time for each other, diminishing freedom, privacy, intimacy, fun.
These stories are scary from the perspective of young couples in love who not necessarily dream about changing their world upside down.
When I think about the horrible picture media posts about parenting, I'm surprised that anyone ever decided to have a baby consciously.
The discussion around it sounds like we're forgetting that nothing just changes ITSELF. It's worth remembering a few things when you're considering switching from two to three.
There shouldn't be an iota in doubt in the fact that couples should talk everything through before introducing a child to the world and should be ready in taking charge of their relationship and family.
ALSO READ - Wait! Can I Use Sex Toys During Pregnancy?
Sometimes, I see that the person who wants to be close to their spouse without their child on board is accused of being selfish. I find this idea unfair. Both the parents sometimes focus so much on their baby that they actually don't need to anymore.
All the attention, physical contact, tenderness, energy - goes to the baby. It's what notable psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel calls 'Eros redirected.'
And it's lovely! But in a family we need balance! Without happy parents, a child doesn't have a family, right? So young parents need to intentionally switch attention to the couple's need sometimes.
No drive and no time
What you need to understand is that sex is not only biology, out of the blue driven act. It's willing. It doesn't have to always start with unsustainable desire.
And what about time? That's true. Nobody has time for sex. It's why you need to MAKE time for sex. Start from scheduling sex and creating space for the two of you to be together as lovers.
For couples, who recently became parents, scheduling sex is a real medicine! That means you forget about the spontaneity myth, schedule your lovemaking session and prepare yourself in advance.
Don't wait for it!
Just create the space where you can switch from your daily parental-selves to your erotic selves.
To raise a child you need a whole village
Trust your friends and family, don't hesitate to seek support. Do what is needed to. If you just consider having a baby it's not only important to discuss how you want to raise it. It's also important to discuss who could help you out and how.
How and when you'd find time only for yourselves as a couple? 3-4 times a year, at the very least go for a trip only the two of you. It doesn't have to anything fancy; a weekend getaway will do just fine.
If it's a challenge to leave your child for all day and night, go out for a couple of hours.
And hey! Young parents! NEVER, ever feel guilty for leaving your child with someone you trust just to be together in order to have a romance filled, funny or sexy time.
Young parents take note - even if you're really in love with your child, even if you're super tired, I highly recommend you not to forget about each other.
There is a reason why the major predictor of a child's proper psychological development is the emotional atmosphere at home. So keep it in mind - the relationship between the two of you at home is very important.
And I strongly believe that to maintain the romance between the two of you, sex, touch, and tenderness is important.
So yes! Make time for each other!
Have fun! Have sex! Yes!
Do it for your child/children's future! And for pleasure and closeness.
And...hello? Do you need any more convincing?
You made the baby by making love!
So keep making love!