Have You Been 'Ghosted'? It Might Be Actually A Blessing In Disguise
By ANTONINA DĘBOGÓRSKA
Recently, Joanna, a friend of mine who's a manager at a music club called me.
"I'm devasted", she declared. "We had a night out. It was super fun! We talked for hours. There was so much in common between us. I felt like I finally met my soulmate. And then he just...ghosted me!
"Ghosted you?", I exclaimed with a sense of contentment. "You mean he disappeared without any announcement or explanation?"
"Yeah! He even blocked me on Facebook. It's ridiculous! It's not like I was talking to him constantly since the date, no likes, no messages, no stalking. And, he just ghosted this way!"
"That's Perfect!", I said.
"Wait. Are you crazy? He was so cool. In all likelihood, he didn't like the fact that I work for a club...I remember him saying that he wants stability or..."
"STOP! Stop! Stop!!!", I claimed in a bid to calm Joanna. "No, Lovely. He just did you a favor and saved your time. If someone ghosts you, it's the best way to find out that the person wasn't right for you. It doesn't matter what he told you and how charming he was."
"But why did the ghost?"
Ghosting is when someone cuts out all contact or relationship without having to deal with the 'break-up' conversation.
Although, the most important thing to know about ghosting is that if someone ghosts you, then it shows that he/she wasn't a really good match for you after all.
Well, many psychological and social issues tend to take refuge in this behavior. And sooner or later, you'll realize that being ghosted is like being saved from eating (even the most Instagram-worthy, delicious-looking) a venomous produce.
Take a look below for possible reasons why people ghost -
Fear of confrontation
According to John Guttman's Theory, avoidance is one of the main 4 stages that precursors to failure in a relationship. If someone's ghosting you, it's fail-safe to assume that he/she is afraid of confrontation.
Your 'ghost' prefers to cut you off than having to deal with your negative emotions and potential criticisms.
One needs the courage to say goodbye and confront someone else's sadness. It is highly like that the person who's being rejected will be angry. They can say things that the rejected person doesn't want to hear.
But this is something that you need to deal with when you're in a relationship.
Openness to solve conflicts and differences is a sign that a person is grown up and doesn't play hide and seek anymore, or hide or disappear, or whatever it is they're trying to play this way.
Lack of Empathy
A ghoster doesn't care about your feelings. Even at times, when they think about you, the most important factor for them is to protect their ego. Lack of empathy is a sign of being narcissistic, psychopath or just...not an empathetic person. Isn't that enough?
In a Relationship
He/She might just be hiding in order to not get caught while cheating. He/She proved his attractiveness and power by dating/talking/sleeping with you and that was the only thing he/she needed you for. And it's far more a common explanation than you think.
There might also be moments when you might have been ghosted purely because of your fault.
But unless you're not a stalker or haven't done something bad - like hiding the fact that you're married. Not like you forgot to ask to pay your share of the bill or didn't reply to a goodnight message.
I do not recommend you to start looking for your own guilt if someone treated you this way. It's their issue which might be deeper than you think. Not yours.
Being a ghost hunter can only bring you more wounds.
So even analyzing it broadly is a really nothing but a waste of time.
So, you’ve been ghosted?
Thank your ghost for saving your time!
Be sad and angry if that’s what you feel like but don’t blame yourself!
Go through it, then go out and find someone healthier!